Twitter

Twitter really pisses me off. Beyond the fact that it is incredibly narcissistic, it is just plain stupid... nothing short of a treasure trove of mundane, useless information.

Seriously, do millions of people really think that the rest of us care about the most trivial details of their lives? (Actually, millions of people use Twitter, so I guess millions of people actually do care, which to me is incredibly depressing, and probably a sign of the impending doom of civilization)

The idea of a 140 character microblogging site is quite simply absurd. At an average of around five letters per word, that gives you about 28 words, not nearly enough for any information that any reasonable person should possibly consider giving a shit about.

I just spent some time looking through Twitter to see what people are twittering about, and I found lots of fascinating information. Apparently, deciding between chinese food and pizza is difficult. Did you know that Shaq can do anything besides make free throws!?! And apparently, Sarah Palin, Barack Obama, Dick Cheney, and Bill Clinton (among numerous others) are all the antichrist! I don't know why this is an argument, it clearly is Cheney.

I don't give a shit about your tastes in delivery food. I don't care about what you think of Shaq's abilities. And while I do care about why you think any of the aforementioned politicians are the antichrist, I do not think 140 characters is quite long enough to get your argument across.

I'm sorry, but anything that tries to be remotely intelligent, while using the abomination "gr8," deserves to be printed out and used as toilet paper, not digested as a scholarly argument. "GR8. Now you are trying to smear Sarah Palin's hairdresser! U guys r nuts," is not political rhetoric... it reads like the result of a bunch of monkeys throwing poo at a computer keyboard.

Don't people have better things to do than write multiple times a day about the most trivial events in their lives? Dear god, I actually found Twitter posts that said, word for word, "I'm on Twitter!" and "I guess I'm on twitter and shit." NO SHIT you are on Twitter... how the hell else would you be updating your f***ing twitter?!?

If you want people to know what you are thinking, or if you really do have too much time to kill and nothing better to do (like me), start a REAL blog. You know, one that does not have a character limit... one that actually requires a working brain and some thought to keep functioning.

Unless, of course, you are planning on blogging about what you might order for dinner, in which case please, for your own sake, turn off your computer and get a life (and a girlfriend / boyfriend).

Anyway, here is the Twitterized (and therefore idiotic and pointless) translation of this blog post:

"OMG, Twitter sux and ppl who use it R lame :( People who use Twitter make me ROTFL. Use ur brain and write a real blog. TTYL!"

Ugh. I hate myself now.