Monday, July 13, 2009
Throw pillows really piss me off. Those small, decorative, stupid pillows that you find piled up on beds and couches... god I hate them. Who decided a pillow was a good decoration?
There are only two things pillows should be used for—cushioning your head or beating up your siblings. Needless to say, fancy shmancy throw pillows, with all sorts of frills and fringes and decorative features, suck at both of those functions.
The absolute worst is when you are a guest at somebody's house and the bed or couch that you want to use is completely covered in decorative pillows. What the hell are you supposed to do? Yeah, you need one pillow to sleep with (maybe two if you like a ton of neck support). But those are going to be the normal, plain white rectangular pillows in pillow cases.
What to do with the rest of the decorative pillows? Throw them on the floor? That seems rather rude, they are nice decorations. Put all of them under your head? You'll be sleeping at a ninety degree angle! Spoon with them? I guess you could, but that is going to lead to some weird questions if somebody comes in to wake you up the next morning... (what are you, a pillophile?)
They are just the worst things!! Always arranged so meticulously... you feel bad about moving them around to make yourself comfortable. Just like you would not move a decorative painting on the wall, you feel guilty about moving a decorative pillow on the couch. Too fancy to use, too nice to throw on the floor, there is nothing you can do. And if you do move them, it does not matter how hard you try, you are not going to be able to arrange them the right way when you leave, again making you feel guilty.
Couches and beds and pillows and all those comfortable objects are meant to be just that... comfortable. Sure, you want them to look good, but appearances are secondary to comfortableness.
We need a one pillow per person rule... every couch or bed can have one pillow for each person who can use it at one time. Any pillows beyond that are unnecessary, annoying, and should be eliminated. The stereotypical dog tearing up a pillow is doing you a favor... clearing off space, making room for people to enjoy the couch guilt free.